Friday, June 1, 2007

To Be Determined (pitch) by Jack Yu

wow, we all did a great job on our story we all have something
solid to build upon...really see this film happening..

update: the setup, conflict, climax, resolution have been changed to explain more on the story.

feedbacks are welcome.


Mark Mayerson said...

Hi Jack (and everybody else). I have some questions about this. The biggest is how will you communicate to the audience that the character can only move to the left? How will you get the audience to understand that there's a "right" world next to the "left" world?

Are the directions even necessary? Is the story about loneliness? If so, does direction matter? If the story is about loneliness, then you need to find ways to communicate that to the audience. Developing your first story panel will become very important.

Also, there are different kinds of loneliness. You can be looking for any kind of contact, you can be looking for somebody who shares your interests, you can be looking for a lover, you can be looking for someone who can challenge you. I think you need to figure out what specifically motivates your character to find someone else and that will determine what the characters do together when they find each other.

If you remember An Eye for Anais, you know that the characters physically completed each other. It was a neat visual way of showing their mutual need.

Remember For the Birds and the emotional beat outline I took you through. You need to know the emotional progression for your main character.

I hope the above is helpful.



yuj said...

hi mark,
really appreciates your feedback, because its so great to have positive critiques.
i have couple things i want to ask.

1) how much storyline should each panel state?
for example my setup panel was as follows: a lonely monster with no friends.
i wanted to write more, but i didn't know if it was necessary. for example, couple of events will happen that triggers the monster to finally get up and find a mate/friend. ie. sees other monsters in love and etc.
Also, the resolution, should i reveal how they solve their dilemma? because in the end, they teach each other how to walk right/left so that they'll be able to meet each other.[they are stuck on a cliff after keep walking to the left/right, but the only way to meet each other is to walk back, which they do not know how to.]

2) as for the direction, i felt it was something interesting to add that could give the ending an interesting twist. i have solved the problem of the two worlds, its just actually 1 world, but they walk in 2 diff directions(right/left)...again,
this was from my poor effort in communicating with the audience.

i know i didn't write much in my panels and some of your questions were addressed already but not written down on my panels. would it be okay if i sent you my updated
setup, conflict, climax, resolution statements?

i hope i'm not confusing anyone, i just want to learn how to approach our pitch ideas in a better way.

maybe this concept is too complicated and somethings simple would be nice. please give us more feedback if you have the time Mark.


Naz said...

These are great suggestions. We gotta figure it out this Tuesday guys!