Thursday, July 12, 2007

chronic ride the second leicareel

ok i finally was able to cut it under 3:00 minutes, enjoy


Mark Mayerson said...

Bravo. This plays much better. Do you agree?

In the scene where the girl gets hit by the button, should she be smiling? If you got bopped with a button, you'd be surprised and then you'd hand the button back because you don't know what else to do with it. I doubt that you'd be smiling.

Also, when she exits the elevator before he trips, it might be better to have just her eyes try and see what he's doing rather than have her turn around.

Both of these things relate to when you tell the audience that she's interested. You've got to drop hints but not make it so obvious that the ending is predictable. You have to nail down her arc and decide when you reveal her feelings to the audience.

There are still a some trimming to do. There's too much of him looking confident before we hit the 7th floor. I think that you can cut the final shot of him before the elevator reaches 7. Once he's in the elevator and ready, we're anxious to see what will happen. Don't make us wait too long.

There is no question that this version plays better. A few more tweaks and you're gold.

Pete Emslie said...

I think Mark's points are well taken, though I do like the fact that Alma has a little smile on her face after the button incident once her back is to him and the door is closing.

My one little comment is when Sam sets the alarm clock back by a half hour. I'd show a close-up on the face of the clock to make sure it's really evident to the audience what he's doing. Also, I think you should add the blackout before he wakes up to show that it is a change of scene. By the way, in the beginning of the film, just after Sam wakes up and hugs his pillow, you've got the clock set at 7:00 after it initially had shown 7:30. Just a minor mix-up.

Overall, the pacing is much better now and I'm glad you've pared it down to less than 3 minutes. I'd concur with Mark that it's practically there now and is communicating very well at this point. You guys should be proud of your efforts thus far!

yuj said...

i think it works great! one little thing, when sam falls on the 2nd day and gets up then runs left and then cuts him running right and into kitchen, the flow/continuity of screen dir is weird;

but overall, except the 7th elevator scene, was a lot better!